"Fandards"

First things first, I like having fans, but I have standards too; fan standards. You see, if you’re a good fan, I’ll treat you with the respect you deserve. I’ll happily engage in conversation with you. I might even invite you to train with me. Maybe we can even hang out. That is of course if you meet my fan standards, or as I like to call it “fandards”.

You see, I’m sick of the old model of fan to artist relationships. With mediums of old like the television and radio, artists had almost no control over who their fans were. Musicians like Dave Dobbyn, Black Flag and Joy Division got lumped with bigoted arseholes for fans, effectively repelling people that may have actually shared values with the artists on a more sincere level.

I remember despising Nirvana and Pearl Jam when I was young solely because I disliked their fans. It wasn’t until many years later I actually took the time to listen to some of their music and form an opinion not driven by bad fans. Sure they do suck, but that’s not the point.

Then you’ve got Tourettes’ fans. Sure, they are educated, witty, and often talented, but going to a Tourettes gig is like burying your head in the dirty washing pile and breathing deeply through your nose. I feel bad saying that because I’m friends with a lot of his fans, but if you all just took your weekly shower the night of his gigs it would be a lot more pleasurable for the rest of us that made the effort.

See, what I’m looking for in a fan isn’t a “yes” man. I don’t want your money. I don’t expect you to promote me I don’t want you to blindly follow me without question like I’m some sort of demigod. I want honest fans, but that’s not all. You also have to be knowledgeable, learned, willing to learn, political, left leaning (extreme left is also accepted), and most importantly, you can’t also be a fan of someone who is really wack.

In fact, I am willing to compromise. You can be a fan of one wack artist. We all have our one artist we are fans of for reasons to strange for other people to understand. But if you’re a fan of every hip hop artist to come out of New Zealand, or every rapper that’s white, or every rapper that has worked the battle scene, etc, then you can’t also be my fan. I don’t want you.

I’m not real picky. We don’t have to be the same. Your age, colour, sex, wealth, and location bare no standing on my assessment of your ability to be my fan. But I do have standards; fan standards; fandards.

About the author:
Jared Abbott is a rap artists currently between rap names. Jared Abbott is NOT his new rap name. These views are not those of other Breakin Wreckwordz artists, but they could be.